23. Nickelback

the 02 arena

1 october 2012

Why does everyone despise Nickelback? Is it the same collective groan that Mumford & Sons, Imagine Dragons, and Coldplay get; too much popularity, too many easy-to-hum hits for the uncool masses? Is it the sort of snobbery that fuels the hipster pronouncements that if you haven’t endured Swedish Death Metal Whale Song fusion in a Hoxton basement, can you even call yourself a music fan? Obviously not, but is it just snobbery or something else?

To be fair, I’ve happily joined in the Nickelback-bashing. But why does it run so deep? Maybe it’s because their lead singer always looks like he knows something we don’t, and he’s just a bit too pleased with himself about it.

It turns out, there’s some actual science on this topic. Real researchers studied Nickelback and concluded people are either sick of their constant radio presence or just baffled as to who keeps buying their albums (over 50 million, mind you). The theory? Well, it all has to do with the fact that their songs are about as complex as IKEA assembly instructions, scoring low on “Average Song Variability”. It’s music for people who want their tunes like wallpaper: predictable, pleasant, and just sort of… there.

So, I went along to this gig out of curiosity, dragged by my metalhead pal who was also there out of a bit of curiosity rather than fandom. The band clearly knew their set needed some sprucing up because they came armed with a light show and pyrotechnics that did most of the heavy lifting. Musically, it was all one endless blur of riffs and choruses that, to me, seemed to blend into one homogenous lump and I saw the point of those researchers immediately.

As we left, we passed a vast merchandise setup, selling so much branded tat, it would have made Gene Simmons blush. Then it dawned on me; it made sense: Nickelback isn’t a band; they’re a fully operational marketing machine with a soundtrack.